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I’ve never shied away from discussing my struggles with depression and social anxiety in previous blogs and quick posts. Now, I’d like to delve into Autism and how it shapes my experiences as a gamer and as a human being.

Autism comes in many forms and degrees. I fall into the low-medium range, which means it influences my life in subtle yet significant ways. Contrary to common misconceptions, not everyone with Autism is an idiot-savant. While I did well academically, I don’t possess any exceptional skills that set me apart from others.

My Autism manifests through obsessiveness, physical tics, sensitivity to visual stimuli, and a strong adherence to routines. When an idea strikes, it can be nearly impossible to shake off. A recent case in point: MLB The Show 17. Despite having little interest in baseball, the game became an all-consuming obsession. After a week of internal debate, I finally gave in and purchased it. I played non-stop for two days until my obsession was sated.

Playing Mario Kart 8 Deluxe on the Switch led to another peculiar habit. I would often leave the game on the results screen and dive into my imagination. Without conscious effort, I’d create elaborate backstories and motivations for the Mushroom Kingdom’s characters. I envisioned leagues, cup competitions, sponsorships, and interviews. These mental adventures would consume hours, leaving me both exhilarated and terrified by their intensity.

A specific physical tic also surfaces during gaming sessions. If I score an impressive goal in Rocket League, I’ll make a peculiar hand gesture: I’ll clasp my hands together as if praying, raise them to my nose, and rapidly tap my fingertips. This motion is entirely involuntary and only occurs during gaming. No other activity triggers it.

I thrive on visual clutter in games. I’m drawn to numbers and UI chaos. In Final Fantasy XIV, I filled my screen with every possible chat log, power bar, shortcut menu, and icon. The stylish UI of Persona 5 was particularly captivating. I find it thrilling when my eyes dart across the screen, taking in information from various sections simultaneously.

Living with Autism presents challenges in the real world. It can exacerbate my negative traits, making depression and anxiety worse. I strive to stay positive and energetic, but sometimes my quirks take over. I can be confrontational, pushing people’s buttons or arguing points I don’t truly believe in. When someone disagrees with me, I can become frustrated. I’m grateful for the patience and understanding of my family, especially my fiancé, who means everything to me.

When an obsession grips me, it’s almost physically painful. It feels like an itch in my brain that I can’t scratch. When I venture outside, I believe everyone is scrutinizing me, judging me. Reading facial expressions and understanding intentions is challenging. Tone of voice can be misinterpreted, leading to unnecessary confrontations. It can be draining.

On the bright side, my passion for the things I love is unparalleled. When I feel something, I feel it deeply. My love for Nintendo is unwavering. Reading the latest volume of One Piece or revisiting early Simpsons DVDs fills me with immense joy. Star-gazing and pondering the mysteries of the universe are awe-inspiring.

Putting it all into words is tough. I can’t fully articulate my habits, quirks, and tics. I hope you now understand me a bit better.

Thank you for listening. Stay radical and beautiful, people.